The Power Of Fear In Youth Sports / How We Can Address It

I recently joined an online group with a substantial amount of volleyball coaches. It's a great environment, where coaches can share positive/negative experiences, offer advice, and get feedback. One common theme I see on a regular basis is this: "My team is playing well, then after a few mistakes they completely fall APART - I don't like to punish my team with running, but it's one of the few things that work. I'm running out of ideas - help!"

Does anyone else see the common bond between performance and what the kids respond to? FEAR.

To address the question, I go back to a meeting I had to call with my 15's team last season. The girls had hit a mental block, and it was affecting their ability to play hard at practice/matches. I asked the girls questions - they answered. Sometimes, if I saw them hesitate, I made them all close their eyes, at which point I asked the question again. It's amazing how kids are honest when they don't have to be afraid of judgment from their peers. Here is the list of facts we created:

1. Everyone wants to do their best.

2. No one makes mistakes on purpose.

3. Every single person makes mistakes.

4. No one wants to let their teammates down.

5. Everyone wants their teammates to do their job well.

The sixth one, is where we began to address the problem:

6. When our teammates make mistakes, we let it frustrate us.

When that comes into play, it compromises the other five. We stop caring that they didn't make the mistake on purpose, we forget that we're capable of those same mistakes, and that our teammate has the same goals we do. On top of that, we struggle to do our best because we become more paralyzed with the fear of letting our teammates down instead of simply doing the best we can.

In a calm environment, my girls all could see this. As the season moved forward, they were much better for it. The more they focused on competing instead of winning, the more loose they played and the better they performed. However, there were games that they regressed. When their body language showed frustration/fear instead of competitive drive, that's when our worst games occurred.

I wish I had an equation to give to coaches in order to fix it, but we all know that's not the case. Even at the world-class level, we constantly see teams get hot and cold - if elite athletes that make their living playing their sport have these meltdowns, are we that surprised that youth athletes are capable of these same slumps?

If you want to avoid the self-destruction, keep your kids focused on the process more than the results. Tell them they're going to make mistakes,they will have bad physical days, they will lose matches, and that's OK. What's not acceptable is beating yourselves because you didn't give your all when things got tough. When things get tougher physically, they MUST be tougher mentally. It doesn't change overnight or guarantee victory, but I can tell you it's a lot easier to accept the mistakes when I know it's because they're trying to make the play instead of trying to not screw up.

That being said: This is a tough mentality to have when you have teammates/coaches/parents that do not measure success in these regards. Each Fall, I spend time trying to make as many middle/high school matches as possible to watch my athletes play at their schools. Watching the players get to reap the benefits of their hard work is an enjoyable experience. I can't help but notice the way people in the gym respond to matches. If the team they are supporting is physically playing well, they are loud and supportive. If they're not physically playing well, they are just loud. I have watched parents yell at coaches, parents yell at players, coaches yell at players, players yell at each other, and everyone yell at the refs. You can feel the tension in the bleachers as parents assess how the players aren't performing well. We get stuck on the WHAT, and don't address the WHY, or HOW to fix it.

Remember the six points above, and let's try to create an environment for young athletes that allow them to comfortably try to make the play instead of avoid the mistake!