Happy Birthday Coach Dave

"... They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time" - Banksy

This was the first year that I didn't write a tribute to Dave on the anniversary of his passing. I remember sitting down at the keyboard and simply didn't feel up to it - I just wanted to reflect privately on everything. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him. This year he's been on my mind even more, since I'm 29, his age when he was taken from us far too soon.

Today would have been Dave's birthday. I find it somewhat fitting that it is my last full-time day at my current job before I am fully focused on my new endeavors. My first reaction to his passing was pretty numb, but once I got back on campus, I was so depressed/angry. I found myself wandering the campus aimlessly during times that I'd normally be sitting in his office, talking about whatever topics crossed our minds that day. I couldn't understand how someone so young who was doing SO much for others could be taken from us. After awhile, I stopped trying to figure it out.

The reality is, I'll never have a concrete answer for that. Six years later, I still have those moments where I want to call him and tell him about something or ask him for advice. I will never be able to do that again. However, as long as I'm on this planet and can help people in the way he helped me, he's never truly gone. I am about to tell you my experience with Dave Hildebrandt, and why as long as I'm on this planet, I plan on being an extension of the lessons that he taught myself and so many others during his time here.

I will try to keep the build-up short: I was a 3.5 GPA student in high school. National Honors Society, Athletics, Clubs - I had a profile that offered many opportunities for someone looking for colleges. From the age of 4 up until my senior year, I had been ahead of the curve in mathematics, and everyone told me I'd be something in math. As a kid, it was pretty easy to just go with that, and when looking for colleges I simply wanted to go somewhere with something math-related that'd turn into a lot of money. My counselor at school said Illinois State had a world-renowned expert in Actuarial Mathematics running the department, I visited on a beautiful sunny day, and signed up.

One year later, I came home with a 1.48 GPA, depressed and terrified as for the first time realizing I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

I went to Harper College to get my bearings, where Bob Vilsoet jump-started my interest in the sport of volleyball. I began coaching alongside him for the women's team there, and started to play adult leagues/tournaments as well. Still, 2 years later I was working a dead-end job (it's amazing how $13.00/hour felt at the age of 19), going through the motions with no true plan in place in what I wanted to do with my life.

Enter Coach Dave.

"Brick Walls are there for a reason: To prove how badly you want things." - Randy Pausch

Dave Hildebrandt undertook the coaching job at Newbury in 2002 at the age of 23. I assure you they were looking for someone to just keep the budget in the black - the program was not built with the recipe for success. There was no gym on campus - we had to take a van a little over a mile to Hellenic College to use their gym. He had to work in admissions as well in order for it to be a full-time position. I believe his budget for his assistant was $1,000, which for the workload was barely enough to break even for the gas (a thank you to Coach Bob, Coach Aaron, and Coach Rob for your time - I have no doubt you had other opportunities to invest your time for greater financial gain - it doesn't go unappreciated). He inherited a Men's program that went winless in 2001 and 2002 and began to turn it around. After recording four wins in 2003, his aggressive recruiting coupled with a passion for the game and ability to get kids to see his vision for the program's long-term success began to bring in talented players. by 2005, Newbury was nationally ranked and the school's biggest pull for athletic events.

Before athlete profiles were common and social media rules had been put in place by the NCAA, I had put a little highlight video on my myspace profile (1. Yes, I was/am a total nerd - I had no intention of playing for a college and was just toying around with video editing 2. To this day, I can't bring myself to shut my page down. Here's a link to the video if you want a laugh). I can't remember if I had posted it somewhere publicly or how Dave got a hold of it, but he messaged me asking about my interest in playing in college, telling me he thought I'd be a good fit for the team. Once I confirmed that he wasn't some scam-artist (I'd be willing to bet there aren't a lot of people that used myspace to find their college), he came out from Boston to watch me play at an open gym, at which point he told me about his vision for his program. I flew out and visited the school a month later, fell in love with the culture there, and the rest is history.

The irony is, Dave wasn't a great volleyball player (in 3 years, he stepped on the court one time. He was so bad that the team went from "oh boy, let's take it to him" to "everyone cheer Dave on to do something good!" in the span about 3 plays). From a mechanical standpoint, he was probably one of the least knowledgeable coaches I've had. But he knew X's and O's, and he knew how to a) get the best effort out of a player b) how to get a group of very different personalities to buy into a common belief structure and work together towards a goal greater than all of us. The lessons he taught me will stick with me until the day I leave this planet.

Dave taught me about knowing when to build and when to break - He could crush you at a practice when you started feeling bad for yourself and demand you give your physical/mental all, and he did it in a manner than you knew he wanted you to do it for yourself. He also knew when you were reaching a breaking point and how to lift you back up, and he did it time and time again. He taught me you don't have to be the same personality in order to pursue a common goal. I can't tell you how differently we saw things. I was a bears fan, he was a packers fan. My sports idol was John Wooden, his was Dennis Rodman. We had very different philosophies on volleyball and the X's and O's, and we would sit in his office for hours getting into these heated debates, sometimes with me storming out, others with him giving me the boot "because he had to get back to work" (usually that happened when he didn't have a response). Yet come practice time, we put all that to the side and went to work on the task at hand. I will always have such a strong respect for him that he allowed me to be who I was and not hold it against me, and I hope he knew I gave him the same courtesy.

Above everything else, and something that came to me on the anniversary of his death this year, is Dave knew how to find what your passion was and steer you towards it. In my opinion, there's a BIG difference between TALENT and PASSION. I see mentors time and time again pushing people towards what they're naturally good at and not what their passion is for. It was easy to push me towards math because I was good at it. However, I can tell you (and I'm sure my teachers in high school would agree) that once we started to getting to concepts that I had to work to understand, I wasn't so interested. Dave and I talked a lot about life, and the more I reflect on the tone of our conversations, he was so supportive in going after what I wanted and not setting a ceiling for myself. Dave pushed me not to settle for B's when I could get A's. He taught me to not let others deter me from going after what I wanted - but to be relentless and work my ass off for it. Most importantly, he saw a kid going to class part-time with no real plan of attack for life and told him he could achieve bigger and better things if he was willing to work for it. It's that lesson that sticks with me in everything I do when working with kids - if a 5'5 95 pound high school freshman with confidence issues can get to where I've gotten, I firmly believe there's no limit to what others can achieve if they're willing to work for it.

I consider myself incredibly lucky that Dave found me and guided me to Newbury, but realize that many athletes aren't so lucky to have their dream school find them. Tomorrow, I get to fully invest my time in helping athletes in their quest to find their Newbury.

Happy Birthday Coach. Thanks for everything you did for us.