As I sit here on a Friday night relaxing after a long open gym, I find myself with a mixture of emotions, some good, others not so much. I'll do my best to not be too scattered with my ramblings and see if I can come up with something somewhat enjoyable to read.
First off:This break was EXACTLY what I needed. With my home-home being in Chicago, and Newbury being 1,000 miles away, Christmas break is the only time I come home from September to May. It's a combination of relaxing from the grind of school/work/volleyball and chaos of trying to catch up with everyone in a 3-week span, all while battling the time conflicts of the holiday season.
Regardless, I think this may have been the best Christmas yet, even though it may not have been the most eventful. The sad reality of things is I'm getting older! Some of my gifts include: "The Stick" (Device used to get kinks out of muscles, was a LIFESAVER at Ramapo for NECVAS last year and I'm thankful they had one, glad I have one now as well!), a "prostretch calf device (a blue half-circle that you stretch your calves on, any player with a decent training room should know what this is), a water filtration pitcher for the dorm room, a pair of mizuno socks (SO comfortable - about time I got a pair!), and a yoga mat with cleaning solution, as I've started doing it to increase my flexibility. What happened to all the toys! :)
Meanwhile, I had the joy of watching my 4 year-old brother go to town on his presents. It was the first Christmas he REALLY understood the concept of the holiday (well, maybe not the actual meaning behind it, but the fact that presents were at hand was DEFINITELY loud and clear for him). He got some pretty cool stuff, it's amazing how much toys have changed since my generation, I can't imagine how people 10-20 years older feel! It was fun playing with him all day.
We went to my Aunt's, and it was SO nice to catch up with everyone. I picked my grandma up from her Assisted Living complex, and it was a roller-coaster of emotions regarding that. She had a great day, she had a good time overall, but to give you an idea of where she's at mentally, after spending the entire day with her and driving her back, she randomly said "I'm so glad whats-his-name took care of me all day". I said "you mean Bryan?", "Yes" she replied. After stating how I was Bryan, she gave me a funny look, then proceeded to talk about how nice I was and how she thinks I'm going to succeed in whatever I do... but in the third-person, as if telling it to a stranger. Eyes welled up (although anyone that knows me knows I can't cry, and not by choice. Blasted society hitting me with masculinity undertones I suppose), and that was pretty much that. Sad to think that the next time I see her she probably won't remember me, but that's life. I'm just glad I got one more good day with her.
So that was my Christmas. I went shopping this morning, proceeded to feel depressed about being the oldest non-parent at American Eagle (NOT because of the lack of a child, mind you), but found some nice clothes at pretty cheap prices, so that was nice. Open gym was tonight, and continued a string of nights where I've started to really struggle with something I had hoped I would never have to deal with.
I have not had your typical volleyball journey. After spending 4 years playing at my high school (which honestly? I can't even remember a lot of it. Coach treated me like garbage, I didn't learn the game very well, and didn't feel that I brought much to the table), I had surgery on my foot, and after 18 months out of action, ran into the right people that started jump starting my passion for the sport.
I began what I feel is my REAL volleyball career at 19, at open gyms. I wasn't anything special, but I hustled for every ball, sometimes very carelessly, which has left me with a few hip scars to prove it. I also was very polite to teammates, and although I have a mean streak regarding my competitive drive, I never treated people good/bad based on their athletic ability. I also played in rec leagues in the area outside of playing USAV, and after 2 years of this, finally got my foot in the door thanks to Coach Dave at Newbury.
Although I have continued to improve every year, slowly moving up in levels regarding tournaments I play, I continued to stay in touch with those that helped me along the way when I first started out, and hit the same open gyms now that I did when I first started (The open gym I went to tonight was the first open gym I ever attended, and regulars from that night were still there). I always stay true to my roots, because without the support/guidance of these people, I wouldn't be where I'm at today.
People have always complimented me on being able to turn off the competitive juices and just have fun regardless of who's playing and what the scores are. I've met plenty of high level players that refuse to play open gyms unless its top-notch competition. The thing that concerns me this break is I find myself having issues shutting it down for these open gyms, and although I don't call anyone out personally or point fingers, I do take losses harder than I have in the past, and find myself a bit more flustered at the end of the night than I used to be.
My best friend/teammate Josh and I have discussed the evolution of players in volleyball. Although they improve gradually, we have a "plateau theory", basically involving having a breakout game, where you're able to sustain that increase from there on out. Something about that game STICKS with you, whether its the confidence, the epiphany of a new level you may not have known you can play at, or other factors.
At BU, I had one of those plateau games. On top of that, I felt a definite change in my mental play. Our team's energy was up, and although I kept it on our side of the net, I found myself much louder, energetic, and aggressive on the court. And I liked it. A lot. I've always been a hustle player, but I felt like I really broke out of a shell that tournament, and I didn't want to lose that.
Fast forward to the open gyms. You simply cannot compare it. I had a great team tonight, but we had one guy that was a bit shaky, who you never knew if he was gonna go underneath you for the block/hit, who didn't have too much energy on top of that (which is understandable, it's easy to get intimidated when you're surrounded by a higher level of players. He admitted it, and I made sure to tell him it was no big deal, that he was doing fine. Hope he keeps working at it). I don't want to become one of those people that can't play an open gym because "the level isn't good enough", but it's hard to get amped up and play my game when you've got players like that on the court.
So the paradox is this: I have the realization that a) Open gyms are OPEN, b) players need to start somewhere, I was that guy 4 years ago and people were patient with me, and c) that I know I've had fun before and need to let go of the frustration of losing from time to time. However, on the same note I've found a new fire when I'm on the court, an energy that I feel helps me step up my game, and I find it difficult to maintain it while on teams like this (especially given the fact that I believe at BU I fed off of my teammates, who are some of the most passionate players I've been lucky enough to be next to on the court). Where is the happy medium?
You hear about older players saying that they started to figure stuff like this out just as their physical skills begin to decline. I would love to be an outlier and learn it now. The downsides of being 23... I'll get over it. Only a couple more open gyms, then before you know it I'm back with my teammates at Newbury and it's time for the season to begin!
Hope everyone's holidays are going well! Not sure how many readers I have (I would LOVE if someone knew how to get a counter on here for how many people visit), but if anyone has a question/topic they'd like discussed, I'm very flexible in what I put on here. Let me know!
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