We're about halfway through club season, and it's been quite a roller coaster. I remember when I was coaching college hearing all the horror stories from club coaches about the issues they had with unhappy players and parents. I went into my first club experience three years ago expecting the worst - and then found myself pleasantly surprised by not having nearly as many of those conversations as I expected.
Don't get me wrong, there are cases where you get that extreme parent/player that has their mind set and there's no changing it - just like how some clubs have coaches with minimal experience that sat in a classroom for 3 hours to get their impact certification and that's about the extent of their training. That being said, this is the time of the year where I find the most discussions between parents and coaches, as they have had enough time to make an assessment and typically tell you "Great job" or "I'm concerned with x". Here are my 3 pieces of advice to help you achieve the former.
1) Meet With the Parents/Players Before the First Practice and Lay the Foundation for the Season.
A great way to cut off those uncomfortable conversations is by giving them your philosophy/expectations right off the bat. Here is the general speech I give every team I coach:
"I realize many of you have aspirations to play college - and I think that's a realistic goal for every and anyone that wants to do it. Between the NCAA Division I/I/III, NJCAA, and NAIA, there are over 1500 schools to play volleyball at. There will be options. But know this: Some clubs will promote the Division I scholarship as the "golden egg". They will promote their biggest and brightest prospects and give the false impression that by playing at their club, you too can become a Division I athlete."
The reality is, while a lot of kids work incredibly hard at the sport, 2 percent of high school seniors actually get full-ride scholarships. Those athletes aren't just busting their tail for the small amount of time we have them during the week. Those athletes are working out on their own. Eating Healthy. Taking care of their bodies so that when we're at practice, they are fully focused on learning volleyball. We will guide our players to help them along their quest, but 4-9 hours a week of practice doesn't make an athlete. Clubs don't MAKE the athlete Division I caliber - our job is to give them a solid foundation for a small portion of the week, so that they can take those tools and utilize them however they want the 150+ hours we aren't in charge of them.
Those athletes then go to college and have 6AM weights, class, individual practices, team practices, film study, mandatory study hall, constant meetings with the trainer as their bodies are being pushed to the limits. If you have an away trip for Friday/Saturday games, you'll have to make up your Thursday classes most likely. We can pretend all we want that it's student first, athlete second, but know that you will work for EVERY penny of that scholarship.
This is not to scare you, this is not to deter you. It's to educate you on the aspect that it's not just traveling around the country in beautiful facilities, playing with and against the best competition in the country. We are constantly told "You can grow up to be whatever you want to be" - sometimes, they add "if you really want it", but EVERY time, it should end with "but the amount of work you'll have to put in is more than you probably realize at this moment".
I will not make false promises and say I will turn you or your child into a superstar - and playing time is a privilege, not a right. The reality is, I can only have six people on the court at one time - it's not me "not letting your child play", it's me giving another player an opportunity. When they go to their high school teams and college teams (or the workfield for that matter), they will not always be entitled to automatic "play time". My promise to you is that each player will get my individual attention, and they will improve physically/mentally if they give their effort when they're in the gym. My goal is to give them the foundation to play at a higher level at a later age - while I want all of my players to come back and say how much they enjoyed our season, I hope I never hear one of them tell me those were their "glory days" or best volleyball: I want them to tell me how the things they learned and the pressure time situations I put them in allowed them to excel at what they did when they left me - that includes off the court.
I do not preach wins and losses - we will win games where we play poorly, and we will lose games where we do everything right. My goals for the team is to give our best effort every moment we're investing into this team. And if we do that, you'll be surprised how many times we end up getting the results we want. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you want" - when things didn't go well, look within (or for the parents, look at your child) and say "What could YOU have done differently to help achieve a better result.
All that being said, I am very excited to work with you and your children. I am always willing to take feedback in - know that I don't expect to see eye-to-eye with everything I do. I will always tell you why I make my decisions or do things the way I do them. I will do this the day after a tournament, as it's best for all parties involved to sleep on their thoughts and let the high emotion of the matches to settle.
Should your children have other commitments, I respect that - I don't want them to miss out on exploring other passions/hobbies if that's where they want to be. Your fee has been paid, you can choose to put as much or little time into the team as you decide, and I won't stop you from doing so. My request is to give me as much advance notice as possible so I can plan my practices/lineups accordingly. I also ask that you don't take it personal should other players get more playing time - again, it's me rewarding those who show up, not punishing your child. If your child misses a significant amount of practices, know that I will do everything to catch them up to speed, but I can't help if they aren't getting the same growth as the other players. This is not a judgment, just reality.
If there are any issues with this, please let me know before we start, because these are the expectations for the season. I firmly believe if we stay true to it, every player here will both have a good time, as well as make huge strides in their game. Should you have any questions or comments, please let me know - I can't wait for the season to start, and look forward to getting to know you all better as the season goes on!"
2) Be Consistent.
You can't stop parents from disagreeing with what you do - but building on #1, you can always stay firm with what you do when you set the expectations from day 1. Above is my mantra - it is not necessarily the right way to do things for each coach, and CERTAINLY not the only way. You have to find your coaching style that best suits your strengths. Just know that everything you say to them is something they will hold you accountable for, and should you flip-flop, team mutiny can be swift and painful. Make your plan, educate them on it, and stick to it!
3) Explain Why When They Ask.
I have talked with hundreds of parents over the last year, with a huge range of issues/questions. While the conversations vary, one of the main things you hear them start with is "I don't understand". Too often, we get hung up on the tone, or if we disagree completely with what they're saying (And yes, they can be quite off-base with a lot of their comments). DON'T LOSE FOCUS ON THE FIRST PART. Most of the time, their frustration isn't because they disagree with you - it's because they have a desire in their head, their child isn't getting it, and they don't know why, all while paying a significant amount of money and investing a large portion of time in the process.
As long as you follow rules 1 and 2, explaining calmly why things are being done the way they are and making them realize you're doing it with a purpose will make them understand that your goals for their child's development align with theirs. Some parents aren't happy with what I say, but they see where I'm coming from. It's not across the board, and some are less pleasant than others, but it allows me to have peace of mind knowing that I've explained it to them, I've stayed true to my values that I put forth before we stepped onto the court, that I have nothing to feel bad about. It also gives your Club Director a better opportunity to go to bat for you should it escalate if you've built that foundation.
I wish all the Clubs luck as Qualifiers begin, and hope that this helped!
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