Last night, I had the pleasure of seeing my Uncle Paul perform a concert in Waukegan, IL. I've seen him perform numerous times during my childhood while visiting him in Scottsdale, but this is the first time I was old enough to really appreciate it (although I was one of a handful of people in the crowd who couldn't tell you where they were when Pearl Harbor was bombed - let's just say when he performed on the same night as Garth Brooks and the Zac Brown Band only an hour away, it had no effect on anyone's ticket sales). I really enjoyed his music, but it was something he talked about in between songs that got me really thinking.
He told a story about the Dean of Music at UC-Berkeley addressing an incoming freshman class. The Dean asked to see a show of hands for anyone that was hoping to be an entertainer upon graduation, and the majority raised their hand. The Dean then said: "Upon graduating, I don't want you to think of yourselves as entertainers, I want you to think of yourself as caretakers, as doctors." He talked about how my grandparents always taught him to leave things a little better than he found them, and how that was what music was really intended for: To leave people a little better than they were beforehand.
I think coaching is very comparable to that. I think about the most influential coaches I've had the privilege of playing for. My father taught me how to be competitive in a respectful manner, taught me about attention to detail, taught me on a team that probably had more disparity between the top and bottom players about how everyone has an important role, and to make sure everyone respected that, even if theirs was bigger. Bob Vilsoet was the first volleyball coach I had (8 years after I started the sport) that really taught me how not to set ceilings for what I thought I was capable of, and to go for them with no fears or insecurities. Dave Hildebrandt at Newbury complimented that nicely by teaching me how to then work towards those goals, never settling for mediocrity or letting frustrations with things I couldn't control affect the things I could work on in order to get there.
All very different lessons, with one common bond: These weren't lessons for sports, these were lessons for life.
I stuck with my sport, but the reality is most athletes go on to other professions. I coached 170 athletes this summer for our sand program, and the reality is, a small percentage of them may decide they want to continue the sport in college. I enjoy the x's and o's and mechanical adjustments that coaching brings, but that's not what keeps me coming back year after year with the same passion: It's the things I can teach them that they can take everywhere they go.
I'm not teaching them how to win a volleyball game, I'm teaching them how to set a goal and the work it takes to achieve that goal. I don't teach them how to deal with bad refs, or other teams that play "dirty", I'm teaching them how to not let adversity created by external circumstances deter them from doing the things they can control internally. I'm not teaching them how to lose with grace, I'm teaching them that when life will throw them curveballs contradictory to their expectations and hopes (and it will), that it doesn't mean they are a failure, that they must learn from it and move forward, that just like there will be other matches, there will be other days.
It's a given that with repetition and instruction, they'll become better volleyball players - but if I'm not developing better human beings, I'm not doing my job.
I am so happy (although starting to feel older) now that former players whom I have the privilege to now call friends are starting to coach. I received a message from one of these players last week, asking about how to get his girls to move and be more aggressive in serve receive as they were having serious issues with it. I gave him some really basic drills that work for me, but it was the mindset of the drill that I felt had the biggest impact on him. I told him: "The reality is, if a passer is trying more to not make the mistake than they're going to try and make the play, they're not going to move well to the ball because they will be tentative/insecure with what they're doing. You've got to set up a culture in practice that it's OK to make mistakes - if you're not making mistakes, you're not growing. BUT, they have to be the right mistakes, the aggressive ones, the ones where the player is trying to make the play - then you can let the players know the adjustment they have to make and move on. You have to let the girls know the difference, and you have to support them in this - that's what they look for you to do."
His exact words: "Hmmm. I'm kind of a d*** coach. So that might be why too." (Before that sounds absolutely terrible, he explained that the head coach coddles so he tries to be the enforcer).
While it's not my style, I have no issues with coaches that are yellers, that crack the whip on their players, that are more Bob Knight than John Wooden. But know this: Bob Knight's players knew that he was the way he was because he knew those players could achieve great things, and his goal was to help them become the best they can be. Too often, I see coaches use his mannerism and their #1 goal is for the team to win. Players pick up on this - they know when a coach cares more about wins/losses than the people working towards them. And if they feel this way, there is almost no chance that they'll play/practice with the passion/enthusiasm that's required to help them reach their peak potential.
The irony is, if a coach is that concerned about wins and losses, they better get used to this. The great Pat Summitt once said regarding players: "They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care", and that quote has stuck with me ever since I read it. Be competitive, push for greatness - but make sure when it's all said and done, you're leaving every player a little better than you found them.
Tomorrow, I'll be writing about why families doing the college search process vs. having a recruiting agency do it for them is incredibly important when looking for the best fit. Enjoy your Sunday!
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