Friday, March 8, 2013

Ode to my Hero - Happy Birthday Dad








 Dad and I 'running' the Krispy Kreme Run in February 2012.


Today, my father turns 51 (Or perhaps it’s his annual 29th birthday).  I have a very unique (and I feel blessed) life in the aspect that I have 6 parental figures – and each one has sculpted my personality in a positive manner.  However, I feel it’s evident that my personality is most similar to my father’s – and that’s probably why I’ve been lucky enough to have a lot of the success I’ve started to have as a young adult.  I don’t think I could ever put into words how thankful/appreciative I am for everything he’s done for me over the years, but it’s worth a shot:

Growing up, I saw my father on the weekends – and while they are still my favorite two days of the week for different reasons, I thoroughly enjoyed them at a younger age.  We would always do exciting things, whether it was go to the arcade, play sports, or find some other random event to go to.  Most weekends, he would take me to my cousins’ place, play quarterback for all the neighborhood kids in a friendly game of football, then pass out on the couch for the rest of the day as we would play on our own.  While I never understood the naps when I was younger, I certainly understand them now!

Once my cousins moved away and I started making my own friends in grade school, the role of ‘cool dad’ only grew bigger.  Every weekend we’d pick up a large group of my friends and hang out at my apartment.  I always called my dad’s place the ‘Fortress of Solitude’ – we were able to be ourselves there.  The language wasn’t always clean and the jokes were dirty, but at the same time, there was always a respect given to each person and it was never malicious towards one another.  I can’t tell you the amount of $ he spent on dinners/events we went to and participated in, but I assure you his standard of living could have been much better had he not given many of my friends and I the best childhood we could have asked for – I will always be appreciative of that.

My father built the foundation for me regarding athletic activity.  From 5th to 8th grade, he coached my junior high team in basketball – Let me tell you:  While I enjoy coaching and have a passion for it, my dad is the best coach in the family.  We were a VERY successful team: To this day I can tell you our overall record was 99-28, with 5 league championships (We played in 2 leagues each season) – but lessons went far beyond wins and losses.  He taught us how to play the game hard, but with class.  He knew every single player had a role on the team and made sure to utilize them, as well as continually remind them they were important.  He knew when to push us and when to let off the pedal, and when it was all said and done, he left us all SO much better than he found us, both as players as well as people.  Once I got older and our class was of driving age, I would regularly get calls from friends that popped by his place to let me know they were there – and they weren’t looking for me.  To this day a large group of us get together for a mini-reunion, and he’s always the focal point.

People that know me know that I can be honest and firm (OK, maybe you’d say blunt and sometimes something worse than that) – and I get that trait directly from him.  The intentions are always good, as they were with him.  I remember being in 6th grade, in the drive thru at Burger King on York.  Dad was trying to explain to me that I had to start working harder if I wanted to keep up with everyone as we got older.  I was a bit arrogant at the time, so I wasn’t really receiving the message.  He looked at me and in a matter-of-fact tone said “If you don’t start working harder to improve your game, you aren’t going to make your high school team”.  I balled my eyes out: How could he say that to me? 
I was cut in high school.  Twice.

Looking back on it, I appreciate what he did for two reasons: He told me something I NEEDED to hear, not what I wanted to hear. But more importantly: He let me make the mistake.  Because although he was right, at a younger age, sometimes I needed to touch the hot stove to learn the lesson (in this case, two times).  The reality of the situation is although I’ve had a great run with volleyball, it only happened because I fell short in basketball and learned from that experience what the value of hard work really was.  Some parents, especially as coaches, would have force-fed the sport down my throat: He let me make my own choices.

In a time where we constantly deal with people that can be deceiving, my dad is probably the most genuine person I know.  You may not agree with everything he believes, and there will be heated moments: But never once have you had to worry about him saying one thing when he really thought another.  He has always been my harshest critic as well as my biggest supporter.  He’s always put others in front of himself – and in the moments where he goes off, it’s almost always because someone’s asking for it. He can play off being a tough guy… but I’ve seen him in a room with animals: He has a soft side just like everyone else.  While he jokes that he’s never wrong, he’s probably gone out of his way to flat out say “I was wrong for that and I’m sorry”, even when the other person wasn’t expecting it.  I’ve learned so much from him, and accountability is definitely one of those traits.

Which leads me to life lessons:  If I had to use one sentence to sum up what I’ve learned from him, it’d be easy: “How does your actions affect others?”  When I was younger, this wasn’t always a good thing.  If someone was supposed to give me a ride somewhere and they bailed, I would call to see if he could help me out.  He’d usually harp on me a bit, and I’d roll my eyes and think “This wasn’t my fault” instead of the reality of the situation: It wasn’t his either.  After he was done, he’d always come through.

That’s probably what makes my dad most special – he ALWAYS comes through.  We are both alpha males.  We’ve butted heads constantly.  There were times where I felt he blew up about something that wasn’t that big of a deal, and in reality, it was more about the principle of the matter than anything else (I know, talk about being my father’s son on that one).  But when I really screwed up and called him knowing I was in deep, it was like he had a sixth sense for knowing when I already had the lesson, and he’d bail me out.  

Throughout the years, I realized that this works not just for negative actions, but positive ones as well. I am confident when I say most people are better off for having known my father - and I make it a goal to leave the same positive impact on others. He is without a doubt one of if not my biggest role model.
Time and time again, during our best and worst times, he’d re-enforce the fact that when it’s all said and done, he loved me, was and always will be in my corner.  Although I may not have always appreciated it in the heat of the moment in my adolescence, it shouldn’t have needed to be said: His actions spoke louder than words ever would.

Happy birthday to my hero – here’s to many more!